my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
