perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So here I am, sexting at work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
