No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are we still banned from the library?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
