you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Mom said you looked used
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
