You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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