Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
