he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
