Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
nutella sex= disaster
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He shit in the fireplace
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
