so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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