therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
