so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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