He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
