don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
