I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
