Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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