That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
