I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
