I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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