i already hear my dad disowning me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
