I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
