weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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