Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
