Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
