True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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