wrigley field is MILF paradise
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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