She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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