New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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