Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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