once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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