I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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