At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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