You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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