eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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