They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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