She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
