I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this just has baby written all over it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
