I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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