it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
