Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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