The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
