I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
