How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Operation Purity has been aborted
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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