I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
