I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
