I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
