I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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