If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
