my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
