you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
