Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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