apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
