After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize