I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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