My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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