It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
