just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize