Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
