She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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