you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
