I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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