I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
