I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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