he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
