I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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