I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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