Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
