yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
