Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
