You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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