Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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