This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
