If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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