Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
