I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
