So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
