It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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